_______________________________________________________________________________ _ _ _ _ ((___)) ((___)) [ x x ] cDc communications [ x x ] \ / presents... \ / (' ') (' ') (U) (U) The Reel Way or 'How to Win the Ego Wars' Written by: The Pusher Inspired by: Leper Messiah >>> A CULT Publication......1988 <<< -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- _______________________________________________________________________________ This file will describe to you how things are done on the local "pirate" board, which is full of computer nerds who all live within 20 minutes of the BBS. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Section #1- Anarchy If the local board does have an "anarchy" section it will probably not be anything worth looking at. Rather than posts about explosives, bombs, lock- picking, etc... you'll get messages like this: POSTER: MR. ANARCHY TITLE: ANARCHY NEWS! (FIRST, I'D LIKE TO SAY NOT TO TRY THIS UNLESS YOUR AN EXPERIENCED ANARCHIST LIKE MYSELF.) I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY HATE MY CHEMISTRY TEACHER. HE'S SUCH A FUCKING DICKHEAD! I WAS TALKING TO SOME HOT BABEZ IN CLASS WHEN HE TOLD ME TO BE QUIET. I TOLD HIM TO FUCK OFF AND HE KICKED ME OUT OF CLASS. (BUT NOT BEFORE I GOT SOME BABEZ #! PHONE SEX!@#@22! YAH!2@!1) I KNEW WHERE HE LIVED SO I FELT SORRY FOR HIM! I WAS GOING TO KICK HIS FAGGIT ASS! I WENT HOME AND STOLE SOME SHIT OUT OF THE KITCHEN TO MAKE A NITRO-VITRO BOMB! (SEE ADVANCED ANARCHY BOARD FOR DETAILS OF THIS. I CAN'T HAVE ANY OF YOU KIDDIES BLOWING YOURSELVES UP!!) I WENT UP TO MY ROOM AND MADE THE BOMB WHILE MY MOM THOUGHT I WAS STUDYING! (I NEVER STUDY, ONLY NERDZ STUDY! I'M FAILING EVERY CLASS!) (Pusher note: Every local loser loves to say they are failing school, when in fact, they get A's in everything. By the way, I get straight B's, and I'm damn proud of it!) I PUT THE THING TOGETHER, AND STOLE THE KEYS TO MY DADS FERRARI AND WENT OUT TO GET SOME BOOZE! AFTER GETTING TOTALLY SMASHED I ZIPPED OVER TO MY FAGGIT CHEM TEACHER'S HOUSE. I THREW THE BOMB INTO HIS CAR AND BLEW THE WHOLE MOTHERFUCKIN THING UP! WHEN HE CAME OUT TO SEE WHAT THE FUCK WAS HAPPENING, I SMASHED HIS FACE WITH A BAT@@! SO YOU SEE, ANARCHY CAN GET RID OF ANYONE! LATER ON DUDES, MR. ANARCHY Uh oh, I wouldn't mess with this guy. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wection #2- BBS Adds On your local geek board, you will never see a BBS Ad like this: Elite BBS 914-xxx-xxx Sysop: Elite Man That would be too easy for the local. They have to spend a month making up BBS adds using "Proterm Special Emulation" which they post at least once every time they call. Here's an example. THE ELITE HOUSE 987-654-3210 SYSOPS: RAD MAN COSYSOPS: THE STUD THE PSYCHO DR. PAIN THE PREDATOR THE PAINMASTER THE DISK SLAVE 6 DRIVES NOW (40 MEGZ SOON!) 300 BAUD (17400 SOON!) NEW WAREZ! COOL SYSOPS! FUCKIN AWESOME MODZ! ONLINE GAMES! SEX FILES! A STORY SECTION! A METALHEDZ, INC. BASE Would you call "THE ELITE HOUSE"? Probably not. Of course, you would never be able to get on, because the board would be down 5 days a week for "NEW MODZ!" [Ed note: Or is the sysop playing "California Raisins?] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nection #3- Music 95% percent of all the locals like MTV p0zer metal. It is impossible to call your local "pirate" board without seeing someone say "OZZY RULEZ!" There is also always an argument between the "metalheads" and someone who likes new wave. None of the local loozes like classic rock, hardcore, or speed/deth/doom metal. Check this out... POSTER: SATAN'S SON (They often use the title of an "OzZy" song for their name) TITLE: WHITESNAKE FUCKIN KIX BUTTT! HAVE YOU GOT THE NEW CRUE ALBUM? IT'S SO FUCKING AWESOME. THEY KICK ASS! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THEM IN CONCERT. THEY'LL BE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THOSE DEPECHE MODE HOMOES. THEY PROBABLY SUCK EACH OTHERS DICK! NIKKI SIX IS LIKE THE AWESOMEST GUITARIST AROUND! NEW WAVE SUX! I HEARD A RUMOR THAT OZZY, WHITESNAKE, AND BON JOVI ALL DIED IN A PLANE CRASH! LATER DUDEZ, SATAN'S SON (NUMERO UNO CRUE FANO) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Eection #4- Phreaking On every local board, the sysop will leave a message like "ONLY REAL HACKS AND PHREAKS CAN HAVE ACCESS TO THE HACK/PHREAK SUB. I DON'T WANT TO GET BUSTED BY THE FEDZ!" I think that the Treasury Department is smart enough to realize that no real telcom board is called "HACKERS AND PHREAKERS HEADQUARTERS". To get access to the "HACK/PHREAK" sub all you have to do is give the sysop a code. That's all the messages are on the sub anyway. "FRESH SPRINTS!" with a list. But sometimes you might get this message... POSTER: MR. PHREAK TITLE: SAFE SERVICE HEY PHREAKS, IS THERE ANY SERVICE OUT THERE THAT IS 100% SAFE WITH NO TRACING? This question is asked at least 10 times a day in the U.S. And I just love these "Phreak horror stories"... POSTER: CODE MEISTER TITLE: HOLY SHIT! DON'T USE MCI! DON'T USE MCI! DON'T USE MCI! A HEARD THAT THEY'VE GOT THIS NEW THING CALLED API. IT'S CALLED AUTOMATIC PHREAK IDENTIFICATION! THE SECOND YOU PHREAK A CALL WITH MCI, THEY SEND THE FEDZ OVER TO YOUR HOUSE. SOME GUY IN CALIFORNIA GOT A $217,000 DOLLAR PHON BILL! HE'S BUSTED AND I HEAR HE'S NOW IN PRISON! ALSO, A PHREAK FRIEND OF MINE WAS USING SPRINT, WHEN SOME OPERATORS CAME ON SAID "EAT THIS, YOU LITTLE PUNK!" THEY THEN PLAYED A TONE SO LOUD, THAT HE WAS DEAF FOR 5 DAYS! HAPPY HACKIN (BE CAREFUL, DUDEZ!) CODE MEISTER M.P.A.H.S (MASTER PHREAKS AND HACKS SOCIETY) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bection #5- Wares On the local boards, wares are used to get people to call a board, like... ULTIMA X IS OUT! ITS FUCKIN AWESOME! WE GOT IT AT WARE PALACE ELITE! The other type of message you see is the rumor message. These are always wrong. POSTER: THE ULTIMATE PIRATE TITLE: OUT! I HEARD THAT GAUNTLET IS OUT! IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ON SOME CALIFORNIA BOARZ! IT HAS GRAPHICS JUST LIKE THE ARCADE. YOU CAN EVEN PLAY 10 PEOPLE AT ONCE! I'D GET IT AND UPLOAD IT HERE, BUT I HEARD THAT DIGITAL GANG SAID THAT IT IS NOT TO BE DISTRIBUTED OUTSIDE CALIFORNIA. KING'S QUEST V WILL BE OUT SOON! I KNOW THE AUTHOR AND HE GAVE ME A COPY! I'D UPLOAD IT BUT HE'D BUST ME BIGTIME! CHOW, ULTIMATE PIRATE DEATH BOYS (PROFESSIONAL DISTRIBUTORS) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ection #6- Wars On good boards, there is no such thing as a "war". They're usually just arguments because someone ragged on someone on a crack page. However, the locals take this EXTREMELY seriously. Every message is full of threats, and challenges to fight (which never happen). Not to mention lots of obscenities. POSTER: JOE STRANSIVIK TITLE: FUCK YOU FAGGIT! YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING LOSER, APPLE KING! I TALKED TO PEOPLE WHO GO TO YOUR SCHOOL, AND THEY SAID YOU'RE A MAJOR GEEK. YOU PROBABLY SUCK EVERYONE'S COCK. FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! YOU PROBABLY FUCK YOUR MOMMA TOO! YOUR DAD PROBABLY FUCKS YOU! I WANNA BEAT THE FUCKIN LIVING FUCK OUT OF YOUR FUCKING BUTTFUCKER FACE! I CHALLENGED YOU TO A FIGHT AT THE PARK AND YOU DIDN'T SHOW UP! YOU WERE PROBABLY FUCKING YOUR GEEK FRIENDS! FUCKIN FAGGIT BUTTFUCKER! IF I EVER MEET YOU I'M GOING TO BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF YOU! FUCK YOU, HOMO! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Mom, I just want a Pepsi!" Call DRU. Now. _______________________________________________________________________________ Behavior Modification.....806/793-9462 The Dead Zone.............214/522-5321 Demon Roach Underground...806/794-4362 Dragonfire Private........609/424-2606 Question Authority........715/341-6516 Pure Nihilism.............517/337-7319 Tequila Willy's...........209/526-3194 The Metal AE..............201/879-6668 =============================================================================== (c)1988 cDc communications by The Pusher 12/30/88-91 All Rights Worth Shit