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			    CURRENT AFFAIRS QUIZ
				January, 1984
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This quiz contains 10 questions which were devised by the new Bored of Tests
Board.	Members of the Board include:  Rev.  Jesse Jackson, Edwin Meese, Rita
Lavelle, Charles Wick, Yuri Andropov and John McEnroe.	We would like to thank
the Bored Board for its unknowing assistance.

In order to qualify for January's competition, simply enter your answers to the
quiz via NatSat TalkBack along with your name and address.  The winner will
receive the famous "X-rated Map of the U.S." and a free Buffoon-a-gram.
Correct answers and winners will be published in our Valentine's Day issue.
Are you ready?	Good luck!

	      (1)
  Why is Rita Lavelle, former chief of the EPA's toxic waste program, going to
prison for lying to Congress while Charles Wick, director of the U.S.I.A.,
remains in his job after lying to the press?
  (A):	Because it's okay to fib to the press;
  (B):	Because everyone expects the Information Agency to promote
misinformation;
  (C):	Because Lavelle lied too long;
  (D):	Because Lavelle is an administration scapegoat.
	      (2)
  Why is the U.S. establishing full diplomatic relations with the Vatican while
refusing to reinstate relations with Cuba?
  (A):	Because the Pope doesn't smoke cigars;
  (B):	Because, although Cuba is predominantly Catholic, Vatican City is wholly
Catholic and besides it is less likely to invade surrounding countries;
  (C):	Because 1984 is a presidential election year and there are still more
Catholics who vote than Cuban immigrants;
  (D):	The two are in no way connected.
	      (3)
  What is a "Jumper" and why are Jumpers so important to presidential elections
in the U.S.?
  (A):	A Jumper is the last major hopeful in either party to announce
candidacy, thereby throwing the party into a tizzy;
  (B):	A Jumper is a member of the public who gets so excited at the close
presence of a charismatic candidate that he or she jumps up and down in spates
of feverish zeal;
  (C):	A Jumper is a registered political partisan who plans to vote for a
candidate in the other party in order to throw off presidential primary results;
  (D):	A Jumper is what I hx_ to buy for my car this winter.
	      (4)
  Who won the so-called debate among the eight Democratic presidential
contenders last Sunday (the 15th) night?
  (A):	Phil Donahue;
  (B):	Ronald Reagan;
  (C):	John Glenn by TKO;
  (D):	All of the above.
	      (5)
  What is the real reason for the timing of President Reagan's foreign policy
speech (delivered Monday morning, the 16th)?
  (A):	The red phone had been ringing all week, but Mr. Reagan had refused to
answer it;
  (B):	To steal a little of the thunder from the Democratic candidates' debate
the previous evening;
  (C):	To assuage growing fears that we're headed straight for oblivion;
  (D):	Mr. Reagan had the speech laying around and simply decided to get it off
his desk.
	      (6)
  Identify any of the following persons.
  (A):	George Bush;
  (B):	Wolfman Jack;
  (C):	Zhao Ziyang
  (D):	Wayne Gretzky
	      (7)
  Which of the following is more likely to occur than the others?
  (A):	An unfriendly takeover of one or more of the Seven Sisters (Bell
spin-offs) by Western Electric or ITT;
  (B):	Jesse Jackson choosing either Aretha Franklin or Lena Horne as a
vice-presidential running mate;
  (C):	Order and sensibility in the home computer marketplace;
  (D):	The joint venture between General Motors and Toyota being allowed to
proceed by either the courts or other major auto manufacturers.
	      (8)
  Which of the following movies has the best chance of winning the Oscar for
Best Picture of 1983?
  (A):	Porkys II;
  (B):	Smokey and the Bandit III;
  (C):	Staying Alive;
  (D):	The Sting II.
	      (9)
  Every Christmas there is a doll fad.	Last year it was Cabbage Patch Kids, the
year previous it was Strawberry Shortcake.  Name five prior Christmas-time doll
fads.
  (Hint:  Start off with Barbie and Ken as your first two guesses.)
	      (10)
  Which of the following is most likely to log more newspaper front-page days in
1984?  (We will use the front page of the New York Times as our model.)
  (A):	The Middle East;
  (B):	Central America;
  (C):	The presidential election process;
  (D):	The Weather;
  (E):	Any kind of economic news story.

  There!  You're finished.  Now hurry up and go to NatSat TalkBack to log your
responses. The winner will be announced in our Valentine's Day issue and will
win a free Buffoon-a-gram and an X-rated map of the United States.  (It's not
obscene, but lists names of towns and cities in the U.S. which might be
construed by filthy-minded persons as "blue.")
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